I'm sitting at a performance. On stage, one of the characters is delivering a monologue on the topic of "How nice it is in the countryside, in the fresh air!" And here the actor is ranting: what air, barefoot girls running around, doors creaking... The second actor is already getting ready to say his line, but then someone in the audience starts to hear a mobile phone ring. And the first actor, with a blissful expression on his face but a fierce voice, turns toward the doorbell and adds: "And the birds are singing!" The audience roared.

JJJ
Maternity hospital, young fathers have come to their wives below the windows.

Nina-ah, well, have you had the baby? No? What's taking so long?
Masha-ah, Masha, what should I bring you tomorrow?
Fedya, Fedya-ah! - Everyone suddenly fell silent and looked at the man in surprise. - Well, what? Should I bring roofing felt?

JJJ
My husband and I are going to the supermarket.
Me: The child will ride on the cart again and won't want to get out.
Husband: And we'll leave her with Baba Zina.
Me: Who is Baba Zina?
Anyway, it turns out that "Baba Zina" is the supermarket Baby Zone.

JJJ
A man with severe burns was brought to the hospital. After a careful examination of the body and X-rays, the doctor says:

You have more fractures than burns! The victim replies:
They put me out with a shovel, the monsters!

JJJ
I just overheard a conversation between the director and an employee from the HR department about a candidate for the position of loader:

How is he?
He seems normal. My hand is not shaking when I write the application...