Advise me what to buy my wife for Christmas.

- Wouldn't it be easier to ask her yourself?

- Well... I don't have that kind of money.

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A mother asked her son:

- What would you like to get for Christmas?

- A horse, a gun, and not washing your face for three days!

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- I have no idea what to buy my husband for Christmas. He already has everything I need.

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Last December, fake Christmas tree decorations appeared on the black market. They look like the real thing, but there is no joy in them.



From a women's forum:

- It hasn't healed before the wedding, what should I do?!



Having received a prescription, the patient turns to the doctor:

- Doctor, why do all the doctors have such incomprehensible handwriting?

What did you write for me here?

- Obliterating endarteritis, paroxysmal tachycardia, cerebrovascular insufficiency.

- Damn, you speak like you write!

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In the store, a girl is looking for a Christmas's gift for her fiancé.

The saleswoman, trying to help, asks:

- What does your friend do?

- He's a writer.

- Then give him this elegant wastebasket...



Three stages of a man's maturation:

1) He believes in Santa Claus

2) He does not believe in Santa Claus

3) He is Santa Claus



The husband argues with his wife for a long time. Completely exhausted, he says:

- Okay, in honor of the Christmas, let it be your way...

- Too late! I've already changed my mind!

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- Mom, can I have a candy?

- Only through my soup!



When I eat, I am deaf and mute. When I drink, I am more sociable.



- What are your shortcomings?

- I am taciturn.

- What are your strengths?

- Not talkative.



A telephone survey, conducted on the morning of January 1, yielded the following results: 2 percent of respondents answered "yes"; 3 percent - "hello"; the remaining 95 percent found it difficult to answer.