Yuri Nikulin was once asked what place he occupied in the Soviet circus.

Nikulin said:

I am the second clown in the Union.
Who is the first? - they asked him in
And there are a lot of firsts, - he said.
xxx

A girl got her license ten days ago, she is afraid to drive. She decided to practice at night, she drives 40 km per hour. Traffic inspectors are driving behind her.

She thinks: "Well, they drive and drive, I am not breaking anything."

The inspectors drove and drove, then turned on the chandelier, overtook her (the girl) and stopped her.

She to them:

What do you want? They to her:
It's strange how you drive, girl.
But my license is 10 days old.
Well, that's all good, of course. Only now it's night, the lights are on in your car, but the headlights are off. Do the opposite, please.
xxx

A scene in the Writers' Union. Viktor Ardov:

My name is Ardov. Alexander Tvardovsky:
What a nasty last name you have... Viktor Ardov (instantly):
Well, of course, it forms the middle of yours.
xxx

An old acquaintance recently wrote to me, with whom I hadn't spoken for a couple of years. I used to like him, then we accidentally crossed paths at work, and now he writes: "Let's meet up, have some coffee." I'm inspired, well, that's it, I think, I've realized it! He picks me up, takes me to a restaurant and at the same time, during the conversation, he starts talking about network business... What's going on! We had some coffee, so to speak.