xxx

Woman, if a man listens to you attentively, without interrupting, don't wake him up.
xxx

I've left the age of harassment and entered the age of ailments.
xxx

A girl comes to get a job at an office:

Do you know how to use a computer?
I know.
And how are you with Excel?
What are you saying! Excel is too big for me. I wear an Emochka.
xxx

We had a happy childhood: we didn't know diapers. So let's drink to not knowing them in old age.
xxx

Were there any Jews in your family?
No, what are you saying! I'm the first.
xxx

Announcement: "Due to work in your house, the water will be turned off for a week. For an additional fee, we can turn off the water in the neighboring house, so that you won't be so upset."

xxx

But I was practically healthy until the doctor found out that I was the financial director of the bank.

xxx

-
We... we

guard the chicken coop!

-

Wait, don't

turn it over!

Doctor, things are moving! Today I dropped a sandwich, and it landed buttered side up!

xxx

The doctor takes the sandwich from the patient's hands, studies it for a long time and says:

No, sir, you just buttered it on the wrong side.

xxx

Two people are talking:

- I'm a TikToker, a practical psychologist, a theta healer and a success coach.

- I'm also a slacker and a parasite.

JJJ

I got up in the morning to do exercises. I crushed her to smithereens.

xxx

Girl, shall we dance?
And you don't snore?
xxx

Alcohol doesn't help you find the answer, it helps you forget the question.

xxx

You should work for Santa Claus!
Am I that cute?
You're such a reindeer...
xxx

You take her to expensive bars, treat her to expensive alcohol, and in the end you spend your entire salary on her, and in the end she refuses! That's what your liver is like.

xxx

You don't sleep all day, you don't eat all night - of course, you get tired...
xxx

Most things in our house get lost because my wife hides them so they don't get lost.

xxx

Why don't you communicate on social networks?
I'm a psychiatrist. I have enough of that kind of communication at work.
xxx

Tell me, who's the boss in your family?
Well, I don't know, my wife, when she leaves me home alone with our son, always says that I'm the eldest.